Kids, It is hard to accurately describe the events of our
second day in Bangkok. It really was our first full day but putting it in words
isn’t going to do it justice. Not to mention I am writing this on the bed of an
overnight train with a view of the Thai jungle.. but that’s another story. So
here we go: the day started with us girls waking up early and eating breakfast
at the hotel. It consisted of a shmorgushborg of Thai fruit (teeny tiny
bananas, rose apples, dragon fruit, etc) and a ton of pastries and toast, hot
rice porridge, and hot tea. We then were so very excited to finally see the beautiful
faces of Grayson and Jake. The boys were ready to explore and we couldn’t wait.
Stacy told us of a tourist spot called Siam Square so we headed to the Sky
Train right next to our hotel. The public transportation was hard to navigate
at first, but map in hand and for only 42 baht we jumped on board the
air-conditioned train and headed to the Square. We were shocked when we got to
the square and saw that it was as modern and metropolitan as Time Square in New
York City. So after roaming around and seeing the shops, we stopped in on a
small restaurant on a side street. The Thai waiters were so patient and tried
their best to accommodate us with our only speaking English. However, we were
finally getting the hang of Thai phrases like hello and thank you. Sa Wa Dee
Ka!! Khap Khun Ka!! Jake took a liking to my pocket Thai phrase book,
especially the section on love and pick up lines, and struggling with his
pronunciation, decided to ask one of the workers at the restaurant if he was
saying his favorite phrase correctly. “Easy Tiger” was the phrase and the Thai
men were laughing a storm at Jake when he spoke guns hot with “Jai yen yen na.”
At the restaurant I had super yummy Hot and Sour Noodle salad with thick clear
noodles and octopus on top. Yum yum yum! Sami had spring rolls and the rest of
the gang sipped authentic Thai iced tea.
After roaming the streets in Siam Square, and experiencing our first of many days in the hot wet streets, we hopped back on the Sky Train and headed home to the hotel where we could jump in the cold swimming pool. After swimming for a while and cooling off, Sami and I were ready to enjoy our first Thai Massage, provided by some cute little Thai women in the hotel. 300 baht for 1 hour. Ten bucks. Unbelievable. And it was an experience like none other. Those little ladies beat the crap out of Sami and I. They jumped on our backs, dug their elbows in our shoulders, cracked our necks and spines, bent us in every which way, all the while Sami and I were trying our very hardest not to make eye contact because we knew that if we looked at each other we would bust up laughing. Not the most relaxing massage I have ever had, but the experience was worth every penny. After a much needed shower, it was time to get dinner and explore the Bangkok nightlife. Charlie lead us to a super cool bar called the Saxophone Bar where we ate food and ordered drinks sitting cross-legged and barefoot on little cushions. So asian. So awesome. The live music was great too! A Thai man was playing guitar and singing some great American tunes including artists like Neil Young. He was an incredible singer and musician.
Two beers deep and we were off to the infamous red light district. Now let me tell you, no one could have warned us of the things we were to encounter that night. My life will never be the same. “MA MA (or however you spell the sound of lips smacking) PING PONG SHOW!! PUSSY SHOW!! YOU LIKE LADY BOY!!” is a phrase and a sound that will forever ring in my ears. Neon signs, loud music, and hundreds of groups of prostitutes gave the streets a life that will never be paralleled in America. The prostitutes were probably some of the most beautiful women I have ever seen. They were in clusters on the street sides, with their little old lady pimps in front holding laminated signs with pictures of girls and prices of various sexual acts. Probably not too expensive. There were also many men chasing our group of naïve tourists selling pussy shows at the various strip clubs around every corner. We had to see it. Sami got a great picture of one of the cards the men had that listed the crazy things that the women could do with their lady parts.
We followed him and for
300 baht we could see the show of a lifetime and get one free beer. We were
sold. The rest is burned into my memory. We will never forget the things that
we saw that night. The women were dancing on stage when we entered the dark
black lit club, not very lively mind you, and we were seated and ready for the
pussy show to start. There were only three women who partook in the show, and
they were old. Like probably late forties or early fifties. Wowza. And they
could do some crazy things with their hoo-has. The show started with one the
youngest looking of the performers sticking a dart gun up her vagina and
shooting darts to pop balloons. We couldn’t believe our eyes and I never
laughed so hard in my life. Our big group of Americans were laughing and yelling.
We were having a ball and were in complete shock. The women continued to do
incredible things with their vaginas and I know that my writing abilities are
not good enough to paint the picture of the things we saw. You would have to
see it to believe it. The short list of pussy trick we saw included: blowing
candles out on a birthday cake with her vagina, honking a horn inside her
vagina, shooting a banana at boy Sam and out of her vagina (and nailing him
right in the chest), pulling a string of needles out of her vagina, pulling a
string of razor blades out of her vagina and making paper doll cut outs (Grayson
and I and refer to it as “pussy-gami”), pulling a 10+ foot ribbon out of her
vagina and slowly dancing around with it to a weird cover of Don’t Dream its
Over by Crowded House… that song will forever have a new meaning, shooting ping
pong balls out into the slightly scared audience who were equipped with the
provided ping pong paddles. I was lucky enough to light the cigarettes in the
woman’s vagina that proceeded to smoke them… cervical cancer much? Might sound
crazy, but when in Bangkok light pussy cigarettes… that’s the saying right?
Hehe. The experience was something I will tell my children about (when they are
old enough) and it will forever be in special place in my heart. The night was
over and we headed back to the hotel for a peaceful night of sleep and weird
dreams (my anti malarial drug called malarone has the common side effect of
intense dreams).
-Kelsey
After roaming the streets in Siam Square, and experiencing our first of many days in the hot wet streets, we hopped back on the Sky Train and headed home to the hotel where we could jump in the cold swimming pool. After swimming for a while and cooling off, Sami and I were ready to enjoy our first Thai Massage, provided by some cute little Thai women in the hotel. 300 baht for 1 hour. Ten bucks. Unbelievable. And it was an experience like none other. Those little ladies beat the crap out of Sami and I. They jumped on our backs, dug their elbows in our shoulders, cracked our necks and spines, bent us in every which way, all the while Sami and I were trying our very hardest not to make eye contact because we knew that if we looked at each other we would bust up laughing. Not the most relaxing massage I have ever had, but the experience was worth every penny. After a much needed shower, it was time to get dinner and explore the Bangkok nightlife. Charlie lead us to a super cool bar called the Saxophone Bar where we ate food and ordered drinks sitting cross-legged and barefoot on little cushions. So asian. So awesome. The live music was great too! A Thai man was playing guitar and singing some great American tunes including artists like Neil Young. He was an incredible singer and musician.
Two beers deep and we were off to the infamous red light district. Now let me tell you, no one could have warned us of the things we were to encounter that night. My life will never be the same. “MA MA (or however you spell the sound of lips smacking) PING PONG SHOW!! PUSSY SHOW!! YOU LIKE LADY BOY!!” is a phrase and a sound that will forever ring in my ears. Neon signs, loud music, and hundreds of groups of prostitutes gave the streets a life that will never be paralleled in America. The prostitutes were probably some of the most beautiful women I have ever seen. They were in clusters on the street sides, with their little old lady pimps in front holding laminated signs with pictures of girls and prices of various sexual acts. Probably not too expensive. There were also many men chasing our group of naïve tourists selling pussy shows at the various strip clubs around every corner. We had to see it. Sami got a great picture of one of the cards the men had that listed the crazy things that the women could do with their lady parts.
-Kelsey
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