6 countries, 70 days, malaria pills, and traveling college girls (41 SE Asia, 29 Europe) out for an adventure of a lifetime. No one knows where life will take us, what could happen, or what we will end up eating… all we know is that our children and grandchildren will never hear the end of these stories. Kelsey and Sami will be posting about the first part of the trip in Southeast Asia and while Kelsey goes back to the States, Sami and Kayla continue the adventure in Europe.
Thursday, June 27, 2013
After roaming the streets in Siam Square, and experiencing our first of many days in the hot wet streets, we hopped back on the Sky Train and headed home to the hotel where we could jump in the cold swimming pool. After swimming for a while and cooling off, Sami and I were ready to enjoy our first Thai Massage, provided by some cute little Thai women in the hotel. 300 baht for 1 hour. Ten bucks. Unbelievable. And it was an experience like none other. Those little ladies beat the crap out of Sami and I. They jumped on our backs, dug their elbows in our shoulders, cracked our necks and spines, bent us in every which way, all the while Sami and I were trying our very hardest not to make eye contact because we knew that if we looked at each other we would bust up laughing. Not the most relaxing massage I have ever had, but the experience was worth every penny. After a much needed shower, it was time to get dinner and explore the Bangkok nightlife. Charlie lead us to a super cool bar called the Saxophone Bar where we ate food and ordered drinks sitting cross-legged and barefoot on little cushions. So asian. So awesome. The live music was great too! A Thai man was playing guitar and singing some great American tunes including artists like Neil Young. He was an incredible singer and musician.
Two beers deep and we were off to the infamous red light district. Now let me tell you, no one could have warned us of the things we were to encounter that night. My life will never be the same. “MA MA (or however you spell the sound of lips smacking) PING PONG SHOW!! PUSSY SHOW!! YOU LIKE LADY BOY!!” is a phrase and a sound that will forever ring in my ears. Neon signs, loud music, and hundreds of groups of prostitutes gave the streets a life that will never be paralleled in America. The prostitutes were probably some of the most beautiful women I have ever seen. They were in clusters on the street sides, with their little old lady pimps in front holding laminated signs with pictures of girls and prices of various sexual acts. Probably not too expensive. There were also many men chasing our group of naïve tourists selling pussy shows at the various strip clubs around every corner. We had to see it. Sami got a great picture of one of the cards the men had that listed the crazy things that the women could do with their lady parts.
We followed him and for 300 baht we could see the show of a lifetime and get one free beer. We were sold. The rest is burned into my memory. We will never forget the things that we saw that night. The women were dancing on stage when we entered the dark black lit club, not very lively mind you, and we were seated and ready for the pussy show to start. There were only three women who partook in the show, and they were old. Like probably late forties or early fifties. Wowza. And they could do some crazy things with their hoo-has. The show started with one the youngest looking of the performers sticking a dart gun up her vagina and shooting darts to pop balloons. We couldn’t believe our eyes and I never laughed so hard in my life. Our big group of Americans were laughing and yelling. We were having a ball and were in complete shock. The women continued to do incredible things with their vaginas and I know that my writing abilities are not good enough to paint the picture of the things we saw. You would have to see it to believe it. The short list of pussy trick we saw included: blowing candles out on a birthday cake with her vagina, honking a horn inside her vagina, shooting a banana at boy Sam and out of her vagina (and nailing him right in the chest), pulling a string of needles out of her vagina, pulling a string of razor blades out of her vagina and making paper doll cut outs (Grayson and I and refer to it as “pussy-gami”), pulling a 10+ foot ribbon out of her vagina and slowly dancing around with it to a weird cover of Don’t Dream its Over by Crowded House… that song will forever have a new meaning, shooting ping pong balls out into the slightly scared audience who were equipped with the provided ping pong paddles. I was lucky enough to light the cigarettes in the woman’s vagina that proceeded to smoke them… cervical cancer much? Might sound crazy, but when in Bangkok light pussy cigarettes… that’s the saying right? Hehe. The experience was something I will tell my children about (when they are old enough) and it will forever be in special place in my heart. The night was over and we headed back to the hotel for a peaceful night of sleep and weird dreams (my anti malarial drug called malarone has the common side effect of intense dreams).
After a funny drive in a hot pink taxi with crazy driving and no seat belts, we checked into our hotel room at 5:30 exhausted. Too tired to find authentic thai food, we settled for the pizza hut across the street. Already delusional from deprived sleep, we got back to our room and had a breakdown. To start it all off, it was 90 degrees at night with humidity and our AC wasn’t working. Then we found bed bugs and mosquitoes flying around (and to us everything had malaria) so you could say- we started freaking out. Crying to each other on how we should’ve chose a place in Europe to study abroad and what the fuck were we doing in THAILAND, ASIA, THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD. After calming down for a bit, we gathered ourselves together and sprayed the perimeter of our bed with 100% deet, lathered ourselves in bug spray, and slept on our towels. Culture shock? Thankfully, things have gotten A LOT better since the first hellish night.